Overly Pedantic Stats: The Ten WORST Slaying Heroes (Good)

 Hey Reader!

We were blessed a few months ago with Jay Clare's thoughts about the best slayers in the game, and I've really enjoyed seeing everyone's take on it. Whether that's Rythbryt's analysis or Tiberius's analysis (both of which have good math and metrics behind them), or comments in Facebook groups and on YouTube, I've really enjoyed seeing the love shown to so many models in the game, and that just speaks to the quality of the models that have been made for our game. 

So a huge thank you to the team at GW for making all of this possible, :)

But some models suck at wounding, and since literally NO ONE asked for that, we're going to use some overly pedantic stats to bring to you the absolute WORST slayers in the game, starting with the Forces of Good.

We have two rules for this competition. First, you must be capable of wounding, so no, Frodo of the Nine Fingers, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, and Goldberry will not be doing a three-way tie for #1. You must be capable of wounding, but not be very good at it. 

Second, you must be a hero to be considered: we will not be looking at warrior models for this competition. This means we will be considering siege veterans, but the model must be a hero in order to count for the competition. No surprises to anyone, no monsters made this list, but we have left it open to hero monsters in case one of them was somehow atrocious at killing things.

We will be looking at five categories for this, as we always do, but a little different this time (as cost doesn't play as much into this equation): hero slaying capabilities (to show how well you kill heroes), troop slaying capabilities (for how well you chew through armies), defensive capabilities (for staying power to keep killing things), support capabilities (for making it easier for people to kill around you), and mobility (to get into range to kill stuff, be that at range or in melee).

So with no further ado, the literal WORST killers in the game!

Honorable Mentions:

A few quick honorable mentions that are bad at killing things, but are not "The Worst Ten in the Game" bad at killing things.

Cirdan: Cirdan is unarmed (which is bad) with 1 Attack (which is worse) with no ranged attacks or spell attacks (so he can't kill you before you arrive), which is objectively pretty darn bad in a game filled with captains that are beating him in basically every category. The thing that keeps Cirdan from being in the bottom ten is a combination of a high Fight Value (so a decent chance at winning a fight, especially with easy access to banners in the army) and supporting spells that either mitigate damage he might take (like Blinding Light) or increase his chances to deal damage through Enchanted Blades. So there's enough good to offset the bad.

Thrain the Broken: This poor dude is really janky. If you pass your Courage Test on a double (which means, since he's C4, you need double 3s, 4s, 5s, or 6s assuming no Harbinger or a similar rule) then he's actually decent at killing stuff, as he's F6 with S4 and 3A. This is why he didn't make the list: there are times when he is pretty good at killing stuff.

But if he doesn't, he's pretty bad, sitting at F4 with S2 and 1 Attack, and is only D4 with 2 Wounds (no Fate) to keep him alive. So from a resilience perspective he's toast, and from an offense perspective he struggles to wound anything in the game.

Paladin Took: I'll add a small note about Shire here: as it happens a lot of Shire heroes actually did well in the math, in part because they can throw stones, meaning that you can deal wounds from the second rank, whereas melee only models have to get into the fight. Add onto this the fact that guys like Paladin have a Might Point (which not everyone does), has 2 Wounds (which not everyone does) and has 2 Fate (which not everyone does), and actually at F2 D3 this guy is surprisingly survivable, and his S2 isn't as much of an issue if he's always throwing rocks. So even without considering the stats of other hobbit models, good shooting, etc., I've ranked some of the Shire models higher because of the fact that in practice Shire heroes (especially those with Might Points) will not be in fights alone, and the presence of 2+ Attacks to win a fight makes a huge difference in who makes the "Top Ten" on this list.

Denethor: This guy is squishy and beyond his F5 with 2 Attacks he's not great at killing stuff. But he wasn't quite "Top Ten" material, so he didn't make the list. On a related note, the armored hobbits from Minas Tirith and Rohan were surprisingly good enough (mostly thanks to Heroic Actions) to not make the list as well, but they are also admittedly not good at killing things.

Tom Bombadil: He's technically unarmed, and he can't perform strikes (which would disqualify him), but technically he can still wound spirit models with Banishment. So I'll note that I did rank him, but he was not on the bottom ten, mostly because of his resilience and supporting abilities.

#10: Aldor (Rohan)

Aldor is literally worse than a Warrior of Rohan in his Shoot Value (in all other respects sans heroic stats he's a typical warrior), but what saves him is his special rules. Even with rerolling failed to-hit and wound rolls with his bow and getting to shoot first in the Shoot Phase he's still not great at killing things (the troubles of a S2 bow, not to mention a 5+ Shoot), but he's better than the guys below him on this list.

It is also worth noting that in a Helm's Deep list his range can extend to 30" which does admittedly get him roughly another round of shooting, so that's a huge plus, but I wouldn't count on it doing much.

#9: Harry Goatleaf (Wanderers in the Wild)

Harry Goatleaf - This guy is not great - basically a glorified Ruffian (F3 S3 with 1 Attack). But what he has in his favor is the ability to survive for a relatively long period of time against infantry thanks to his special rule. He's not much to look at, and he won't kill that much for you, but if you need a budget "bunker" in an asymmetric way, Harry will at least last long enough for you to complete your objectives.

I'll also note that he has 1 Might Point, which, in this ranking, actually places him above a lot of people, which is why he's here on the list.

#8: Merry and Pippin (Fellowship/Breaking of the Fellowship/Fangorn)

Okay so, this one I confess was hard to rank, but I decided to rank Merry and Pippin from The Fellowship together because 1) they have the same profile wherever they appear, and 2) there's a reason for combining them which also contributes to them not being in the "top" half of the list (aka, the bottom half of the worst models in the game). 

As part of The Fellowship these guys are among the worst killers in the game. But there are two other lists you can take them in, and it improves their final scores a decent bit (not great, but a decent bit). They get better at killing things as part of the Breaking of the Fellowship legendary legion thanks to the gifts from Galadriel and the banner rule, and they are also more resilient against magic (on top of their magic resistance that they already have), so that automatically moved them up a few places.

But what pushed them to #8 was the fact that you can also take them as a single upgrade to Treebeard in Fangorn, and while I'm not going to count the kills that Treebeard gets as being "kills for them," the fact that 1) they get to throw stones at people within 8" every turn, and 2) they cannot be attacked while on Treebeard is HUGE for their resilience. I mean, you're guaranteed a TON of shots with these guys, and they don't need to dismount unless you really need someone to hold an objective for you, or pick up an artifact, or something crazy like that. And then they can remount Treebeard later if desired.

So, needless to say, they are better at killing things and living long enough to kill stuff than other people on this list, which is why they placed where they did. This is perhaps the biggest upset in the rankings, as I thought for sure they'd be at the bottom (based on cost), but I found the math compelling enough to place them around the upper-middle of the pack.

#7: Bill the Pony (Fellowship/Wanderers in the Wild)

Bill the Pony - he's only got 1 Attack at F1, which sounds bad but believe it or not is not the worst wounding chance because at least he's armed: iron-shod hooves on that 1 Attack goes a long way. Add onto this the fact that he's almost never left alone (so good chance you get at least another dice in there, possibly with a banner reroll if it's a hobbit), and the ability to take 2 Wounds (after 1 Fate) at D4? It's actually not that bad (for being in the bottom ten). But it's also not that great, which is why he's mid-range in this list.

Also, if you want to increase Bill's effectiveness, take him from the Wanderers in the Wild list with Barliman Butterbur and ally them (conveniently) into a Shire army. Sure, you'll lose Woodland Creature on your hobbits, but you get a host of warriors to keep him safe and take advantage of his banner rule. So you're guaranteed to have more than 1 Attack (probably) in the fight involving Bill.

#6: Alfrid (Lake-Town/Survivors of Lake-Town)

Warning: you're going to see the following rule come up a lot in the rest of this post, so we'll talk about the Unarmed rule shortly for those who are new to the game. When a model is "unarmed," they suffer a -1 to all of their duel rolls (so you can't get a natural 6 on the die), and you get a -1 to the wounding rolls on your die (which effectively reduces your Strength by 2). So...when I say that these models are bad at killing things, I just want you to know that they are all really bad at killing things. But all of these models have a chance to make strikes, and thus they meet the parameters for the competition.

Alfrid is legitimately horrible at fighting: F3 S3 with only 1 Attack is already not great for killing, but if you're unarmed it's even worse (as it makes you the equivalent of S1, and that penalty to dueling rolls is really bad news for low Fight models). Add onto that no Might Points (without stealing from your other heroes) to help you out and only 1 Fate and 1 Wound at D3 to keep you safe, and you're in a tough spot. 

He isn't quite the worst as he (technically) has a chance to get 3+ Might (as you could also technically use Gandalf to cast Strengthen Will on him to give him more Will and potentially get even more Might, if you really wanted to), but he's pretty darn bad.

#5: Folco Boffin (Shire/Defenders of the Shire)

Folco Boffin is a hobbit, so it's not surprising to see him at this place in the ranking. He's F2, which is not as bad as other people on this list, but he's unarmed, which is really bad when combined with F2. He's S2, which means that when combined with unarmed...is even worse than S2 normally is. He's D3 (so not as bad as it could be), but with only 1 Wound and 1 Fate that's...not going to end well.

He ranks "higher" than Alfrid because he has no Might and cannot gain Might, but since he has magical resistance and the ability to throw stones he has a better chance of killing people if Alfrid isn't supercharged with Might (stolen from your other heroes). So in my mind these guys were basically a tie, so I broke the tie based on the fact that Alfrid is F3, so...I guess an advantage over goblins and some hobbits? If you get a tie after you subtract your -1 from the duel roll because you are unarmed? I'm grasping here, but that's where I broke the tie.

#4: Fredegar Bolger (Shire/Defenders of the Shire)

Like Folco, Fatty Bolger is F2 with S2 (like many other hobbits), and he's D3 with 1 Wound and 1 Fate. Which means he's basically Folco Boffin for half the cost. So why did he score "higher" than Folco? Well for starters because cost isn't being considered, but in reality it's because Folco has a good chance of getting a Heroic Move off, so his resilience goes up a good bit over Fatty Bolger. So I placed him lower.

But from a killing perspective you get the same thing as you get from Folco: wounds coming from throwing stones, doing your damage from the second rank, and helping to hold the line with Stand Fasts when the game calls for it. Classic Shire stuff.

#3: Rosie Cotton (Shire/Defenders of the Shire)

Rosie is a good person to have in your army: she makes Sam a better killer, and that alone meant she wasn't going to be in the #1 spot. But I had to be honest (though I like her a lot): she's F1 and S2 while unarmed, which is really bad. She's only D3 (which, admittedly is not the worst in the game as you will soon see) with 1 Wound and 2 Fate (which, admittedly, is better than Alfrid), but that's still really bad. She has no Might, and she has almost the same profile as the top two in this list. So why isn't she tied with them?

She can throw stones, and is resistant to magic.

This is actually a big deal. Rosie can kill in the second rank, while the top two cannot. She can contribute while helping to encourage and support her man, still aiding the cause while not being in the fight herself. And if she is tagged by a rogue wrapping model, she's got 2 Fate, so actually not bad odds of surviving, even at D3. So she's #3, though I confess I wanted to move her higher in the rankings.

But there are two heroes worse at killing things than Rosie Cotton.

#2: Sigrid (Lake-Town/Survivors of Lake-Town)

Okay, this profile is for a child, so admittedly the profile is pretty bad. But do you know what's good about Sigrid? Her F2 will tie a goblin. The unarmed part means you can't necessarily count on getting a tied roll, but at least F2 will tie a goblin. Beyond this, though, it's all bad news. She's only S2, so with unarmed she's looking at 6s to wound a D3 or D4 model. She's only D2, so most models in the game are wounding her on 4s or 3s, and anyone with a two-handed axe can wound her on 2s. But at least you have 2 Fate and 1 Wound, so not as bad as it could be.

I also factored in that Sigrid (and her sister, Tilda) do actually support allies (Bard and Bain) even after they die, so it's not the absolute worst to lose her, but still - she's not killing stuff herself at this point, so I don't feel bad putting her in the #2 slot.

But she's not the worst at killing things - there's one more left to go.

#1: Tilda (Lake-Town/Survivors of Lake-Town)

Tilda is a darling girl. You can't get cuter than this in the game, and that's saying something because we have a model now for Rosie Cotton. But cute is about all she's got. She's F1, which is tough. F1 and unarmed is tougher still. S2 is even harder. D2 makes it nigh impossible. 2 Fate and 1 Wound puts her above some people on this list, but that D2 though...it's a hard one even with the Fate helping you out.

And since goblins (5ish pts/model) and hobbit militia (4-5pts/model) are likely beating you and wounding on 4s or better (whereas you're wounding them on 6s thanks to being unarmed),  and any other model isn't troubled by their chances, this is a hard one to swallow. While I love the model and the actress who played her was brilliant, she is, without a doubt, according to the stats, the worst slayer in the game.

Conclusion

And that's our list! If you disagree or have another model you think should have made the list, let us know in the comments! In my next post I'll be taking a look at the Forces of Evil, where a surprising model made the list that I did not expect, but totally makes sense in light of the stats (though it may be a controversial opinion - time will tell).

Watching the stars,

Centaur

"Sybil Trelawney may have Seen, I do not know...but she wastes her time, in the main, on the self-flattering nonsense human beings call fortune-telling.  I, however, am here to explain the wisdom of centaurs, which is impersonal and impartial." ~ Firenze, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix